Lorna never met a sentence she couldn’t improve with the word fuck. She had it down to an art form — a real New Yorker through and through — sharp tongue, sharp mind, and zero patience for bullshit. She preferred “Queen Bitch” over just “bitch,” and if you forgot the title, she’d correct you so fast your feelings would still be buffering.
She was a mother, a prepper, and a jack of all trades — from macramé and jewelry making to whipping up her own laundry detergent like some foul-mouthed apocalyptic Martha Stewart. But don’t hand her a computer; she was completely computer illiterate and perfectly happy to stay that way. If it needed a password, a driver, or a software update, she wanted no part of it.
After spending roughly forty years in New York — with Queens as her final stomping ground — she moved to Puerto Rico, which she loved about as much as a colonoscopy: a necessary evil. She didn’t have to like it, but she handled it. There, she cooked, canned, and preserved meals like the world was always one day away from ending. Hurricanes? Power outages? Supply chain chaos? Lorna was three steps ahead with a pantry that could probably feed a small army and still have leftovers to complain about.
Family, Love & Selective Hate
She loved her daughter, Kyle, with a quiet but unshakeable ferocity. Family mattered to her — even if she expressed it with sarcasm, side-eye, and swear words instead of Hallmark card quotes. She had a complicated relationship with her younger sister — “love-hate” would be generous; “knew exactly where they stood” is probably more accurate. Lorna didn’t fake feelings to keep the peace. If she liked you, you knew it. If she didn’t… you really knew it.
Her Style: Dark, Honest, and Loud
Lorna’s humor was dark. Not “edgy” dark — the real, no-filter, life-is-messed-up-so-let’s-laugh-anyway kind of dark. She was brutally honest and unapologetic. She didn’t rewrite the truth to make it softer for you. She said what needed to be said, whether you were ready or not.
— a phrase, a mood, a lifestyle… and one of her favorite T-shirt quotes
No Viewings, No Performances
Lorna knew exactly how she felt about the whole funeral-show routine, and she did not hold back. She didn’t want a viewing, and she made that crystal clear:
“Just cremate me. But if you decide to have a viewing, there’s nothing I can do about it because I’m dead. Do me a favor and put me in the casket face down so all those hypocrites can kiss my ass.”
On Death, Grief, and Getting the Fuck On With It
Lorna was a straight arrow when it came to death. To her, it wasn’t some unspeakable horror; it was part of the deal. If you’re crying over her right now, she’d probably slap you (lovingly, sort of) and say something like:
She didn’t want people drowning in grief or making a shrine out of her absence. She wanted you to keep moving, keep laughing, keep swearing at the universe when it deserves it, and maybe stock a few extra jars in the pantry just in case.
So if you think of her — and you will — do it with a smirk, maybe an eye roll, and probably a well-timed “fuck”. Because that’s how she lived: loud, honest, imperfect, and absolutely herself, right until the end. So "FUCK OFF"
Comments from Friends & Family OR Adopted Sister found in a Dumpster.
Lorna♡ Where do i start... you were the first person i met in work space who was funny, used crazy amount of F words and kept it real! You'd have me take breaks, though i'd say i dont smoke, you'd say, hell i do, let's go. Remind me to eat, whenever she ordered her White Pizza she'd ask me to have some too, but I'd refuse. She would make sure I eat something during long hours of work. She was genuine, didn't sugarcoat anything. I LOVED that about Lorna. She was very proud of her Daughter. I heard many stories about her daughter and I can see the pride and love she had. She was everything to her.
The 2 months I had spent with her working, we created a lifelong friendship bond. Though we didn't speak everyday, we would start from wherever we left off. That's true bond. There are no expectations, just pure friendship.
I will miss you dearly Lorna. Watch over us and drop those F Bombs here and there so it keeps us real! Love You my friend ♡. Will miss you dearly ♡
To Our Orange Girl who wore an orange jacket to match her orange car when we met 20 years ago 🧡,
I couldn’t pick just one story so I chose your favorite unexpected sayings that sometimes came along with your contagious laughter:
"I’m a delicate petite flower" (laughs)
"Oh for fucks sake"
"La puta perra vida"
"Maricón/a que tú te crees"
"Yo no tengo pelos en la lengua"
"Tú no me estás metiendo el dedo, qué carajo te importa a ti"
There are so many more that come up in funny memories, hard to capture them all today but they will bring me joy forever.
Talk about a straight shooter 😂
So unapologetically yourself, that’s what we all loved about you.
Till we meet again, Doll. 💜♥️💛 – thank you for your gigantic, priceless heart.
Your Bestie Forever,
Magaly
All I know is that every time I saw Lorna, she would greet me saying "And how’s the fucking Cuban today? I know what you need, you need to get laid!!!"
She would make me crack up! 😂.